Time

True confession time

Posted by

4

Lung Cancer is nasty. While I was working hard with all my advocacy and community building, trying to make my little part of the lung cancer world a little better, lung cancer snuck up on me and outsmarted the drug I was taking.

I really liked the targeted therapy drug I was taking, and I was disappointed it didn’t work longer for me. Some people get a lot longer than I did. I have to be honest, I was hoping for three years or even more. I got one year and eight months.

So at the end of the Summer when I was feeling tired, and when the kids were going back to school and I was exhausted. That was the cancer. I was coughing a bit and I kept telling myself it was because we were swimming in chlorinated pools, but it was the cancer.

I’m thankful for my oncologist, and the fact that he makes me have CT scans even though I don’t like them. I’m thankful that he keeps on top of latest developments, new drugs and how to gain access to them. That can be tricky for cancer patients.

I can’t tell you how thankful I am that there was another drug I could jump to. It’s called Lorlatinib, I’m getting it free from the pharmaceutical company, and so far it’s working well with limited side effects. What a great gift!

I’m feeling really well! I’m relieved and grateful.

IMG_5310

I’m beyond thankful for another extension on my life. That’s what these amazing drugs do for me. They let me live longer, give me the opportunity to be there for my kids, my husband, and all the other important people in my life.

That’s why research means so much. Every new drug developed gives me and other survivors like me the gift of life for a little longer… another few months or years to share with our friends and family, a chance to see our kids grow a little taller or perhaps even graduate.

My oldest son was 12 years old when I was diagnosed, and I’m so happy that I’m alive to see him reach grade 12! The past two Saturdays I got to tour local Universities with him, hang out with him and help him as he decides where to go and what to study next year. With this new drug, I’m really hopeful I’ll get to see him attend University!

I know many of you have given to Lung Cancer Research. Thank you. You are making a life and death difference for people like me, for families like mine, not to mention our friends and communities. You are giving the gift of life for a little longer, the gift of opportunity for moments and memories, a gift that is precious and treasured. Thank you.

Onwards to a cure!

IMG_5432.JPG

 

PS: November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month.

IMG_5442.JPG

Back to Where it all Began

Posted by

6

I can’t tell you how excited I was to give a speech at my daughter’s elementary school’s Terry Fox Day Celebration! Honoured, excited and unusually nervous … partly because I don’t normally speak to the Grade 1-6 set, and that kept me up late the night before, reflecting on my story.

My cancer story started at the very same time as my little girl started going to that Elementary School. I was active and healthy, with no idea that I could possibly get lung cancer. We were happy and excited about life. I had a cough after a cold at the beginning of the school year. My daughter was in grade one. The cough didn’t go away. Eventually we learned that it was lung cancer.

I was very sick and it really affected our family. I coughed all the time, and couldn’t even bend over to pick something up. We needed a lot of help with meals and cleaning and other things. There were a couple of times I even thought I was going to die.

I’m a lot better now, in fact you would never guess I had lung cancer just by looking at me. I think it’s a miracle I’m alive, and I’m incredibly thankful for innovations in cancer treatment that mean I can take pills at home every day and live a somewhat normal life.

I did not expect, didn’t even imagine there would be cancer research breakthroughs in time for me! I cannot begin to perceive all the steps that had to be in place for treatments to be available to keep me alive today. I am thankful for all of the people, every single member of that huge team, all those special someones who have made a difference, changed our story, helped to bring about life-extending innovations in the lung cancer world.

I know Terry Fox transformed the cancer universe for many of us! I’m grateful for Terry Fox, for all the runners and researchers, dreamers, donors and doctors – everyone involved in the relay race that has lead to me standing in my daughter’s Elementary school gym on Terry Fox Day 2018.

This experience was extra emotional for me too, because this wasn’t only my daughter’s elementary school: it was also my own elementary school, where I went as a little girl, walked the halls, played in the yard, laughed with friends, learned all about fractions, performed in my school play, and at piano recitals. It was also the school where I did a practicum when I was a student teacher. So many memories!

I got pretty choked up when they showed the video about Terry Fox before I spoke. Terry Fox is a hero to me. He was long before my cancer diagnosis, and even more so now.

I managed to wipe the tears from my face before the lights went back on, and told the group the good and age-appropriate part of my story, making sure they understood the connections between their Terry Fox run, the importance of cancer research, and the difference that they were making for cancer patients and our families.

When you run, you raise money

so that scientists can do cancer research

and invent medicines

that doctors can give to cancer patients like me.

THANK YOU!

Today you are making a difference for cancer patients and our families! I’m so grateful that I get to be here and say “Thank You!”

But the teacher in me didn’t stop there: I also gave them a little lesson on getting through the tough times in life.

HOLD ONTO HOPE! Be like Terry Fox: DON’T give up! There is always reason to hope!

ASK FOR HELP! friends, family, teacher… find your team of encouragers, even if only one or two others (Terry Fox didn’t do it alone: he had a lot of help, including his brother and a friend in the van!)

HELP OTHERS TO HOPE (Sometimes that can help us hope too!)

. ..  …   ….   .. . ..   ….   …  .. .

I received lots of positive feedback after my speech, but as I walked home I couldn’t help but think of a few of the significant things I didn’t say to those beautiful children, the teachers, the VP, the parent-volunteers …

The statistics are heart-breaking: 1 out of every 12 of them will be diagnosed with lung cancer – that’s about 2 kids from each class – all the more gut-wrenching because it’s the deadliest cancer by far.

Lung cancer research is grotesquely underfunded.

We need a lot more research, and the time is now!

I can’t bear to think of those sweet children, grown up and enjoying life with a happy family, their a precious little daughter or son in grade one, then devastated by a diagnosis of incurable lung cancer!  I want a cure!

(Inspirational pictures from a museum display a few years ago)
(Inspirational pictures from a museum display a few years ago)
I was honoured to meet Darrell Fox, younger brother of Terry, a couple of years ago.

 

Freedom and Physiotherapy

Posted by

2

This new drug is working so well that for the first time in about two years I am not stuck sleeping on only my right side! What a relief! It’s great news and I’m glad to have this freedom. Would you believe, though, that my left shoulder is sore from sleeping on it?

This has been going on since early June. I gave it a bit of time to see if it would resolve on its own, but it didn’t. I get free physiotherapy at the cancer centre, but it took a while to get in. I am happy to say that this week I finally saw the physiotherapist. She’s excellent! (Don’t know why I waited so long to ask for an appointment!)

She did some work on my shoulder, and immediately my range of motion increased! She gave me stretches and strengthening exercises, and instructed me on how to hold my body. I”ve been working on it the past couple of days, and things are improving, but oh it hurts!

These past months my body has gotten in the habit of moving in certain ways to protect itself from further harm. This is good, because I haven’t injured myself more. But it’s become a bad habit because I’m moving in ways that aren’t healthy for my body. Without even realizing, I’ve grown accustomed to a new way of holding myself and doing things, and that has resulted in significant tightening and weakening of certain muscles. This will take time to overcome!

I knew there was a problem, but I didn’t know what it was nor how to work at improving it. I’m thankful for the expertise of the physiotherapist to help me with this. Working at the exercises is awkward and even painful, but I know it’s a necessary part of the healing process.

Pain can be a gift, because it tells us something is wrong. Avoiding pain is common and desirable in many ways, but it’s so good to stretch out of the unhelpful, self-protecting patterns that we may have established, that we may not even be aware of!

Unhealthy self-protection isn’t just a physical thing. There are many ways we can hold ourself back from being who we are really meant to be. Our desire for comfort and resulting choices can cause us harm.

Taking risks and stretching out our comfort zones can be healthy, exhilarating even! … and it can hurt! but sometimes that pain is necessary for good growth.

Our beloved Bible study group is working through Galatians, it this week a number of references about true freedom jumped out at me.  I yearn for us all to live a life of fullness and true freedom!

Don’t let fear or pain hold you back!

IMG_0021

IMG_0645

IMG_0018

No more time for procrastination

Posted by

1

IMG_3862

The day before yesterday, my closet collapsed. When we had our house renovated a decade ago, workers attached a thin piece of wood to the walls to support the bar and shelf in each closet. Obviously the way they connected the support wood to the closet walls (glue and the occasional thin nail) was woefully inadequate!

I’m not a handy person, and I don’t know how closets are meant to be built, but clearly something went wrong here and someone needs to fix it! In spite of my lack of ability, these kinds of jobs typically fall to me. It’s been a busy couple of days, and today it’s in my schedule to try to fix the closet.

So I decided to take a picture of the closet. And write a post on facebook. And update my blog. And when I was starting to run out of helpful procrastination ideas, the phone rang, and rang! The nurse came to check how I’m doing, and I seem to be doing well. We had a lovely chat. But now it’s afternoon and my closet still looks like it did the other day, with pants and sweaters stacked somewhat neatly on the floor, and everything else slumped over. Ugh.

So I think again about how to tackle the job, and the particular things I need to gather and do. I am thankful this didn’t happen last year, because I wouldn’t have been up to fixing it then. I’m not sure I’m up for fixing it now. I have such limited energy and strength.

What’s strange is how tired I am getting by thinking about little details like wondering how many screws I should put through the support wood into studs in the wall. And how long should they be? Oh yes, and I’ll have to take the battery out of the metronome so I can use it in the stud finder. Time for a cup of tea!

It occurs to me that today I’m exceptionally skilled at procrastinating. Now I think I should figure out why that is, and what my particular triggers are. I reflect on that a while. I’m tempted to sit here and reflect some more, and perhaps make up lists and draw diagrams.

But in the midst of all my fatigue and desire to sit (with my feet up to help reduce swelling) and sip my tea, there’s this growing thought within me – like the background music in a movie that suddenly catches my attention.

… and I want this job finished, and therefore I must start it! I’m feeling nervous though. What if I can’t do it? What if I do it wrong? What if I put all my energy into this and only get it partly done and then have no energy left for my kids tonight? What are we having for dinner?

There is one beautiful, inescapable thought that keeps growing in my heart and mind like Spring flowers.

I’ve been thinking a lot about time and ability this past year and a half or so. How much time do I have left? What quality of time will it be? How much can I accomplish during that time? How do I decide what to do? How do I know what I have energy / ability for? How do I set my priorities and boundaries and act accordingly? How do I live well?

These are not new questions for me, but now they are more urgent, more compelling. The glorious music swells until it drowns out almost all the other distractions.

I want to have my priorities straight. I want to know who I am, what I’m called to, and I want to live accordingly. My priorities are much more about relationships and much less about things, yet closets collapse and repairs must be attempted. Closets don’t matter much, but there is a time and a place for everything.

No more time for procrastination. Today.

There is one thing, dear reader, that I really want to say to you. The thought that has crystallized spectacularly when I’ve reflected on those compelling questions. The beautiful tune I keep hearing. The flowers in the Spring. The thing I really want you to know. The thing I will say today.

We are deeply loved. Whether we procrastinate or not, whether we accomplish great things or not, we are loved. Deeply. The one who made us knows us and loves us – yes, even with all of our imperfections.  When things work out as we hoped they would, when it all comes crashing down, we are loved. Deeply loved.

The Living God knows us and loves us so much more than we can ever imagine. There is nothing we can do to gain his love because he already loves us completely, unconditionally. Even when we were enemies, Jesus lived and died and rose to life again to restore our relationship with God.

This is the foundation for living a life of love and faithfulness upon which I attempt to build. I hope that all my attempts won’t come crashing down, but even if they do, the foundation of God’s deep, strong love remains. Nothing can shake that. Nothing can ever separate us from the love of God.

I hope for you – to know the deep, deep love of Jesus, to be in close relationship with him, to live your life well.

What is your foundation? Each one of us is created unique, special, with purpose. How are you called to live a life of faithfulness? What does that look like for you, with your own special set of gifts, talents, experiences, strengths, weaknesses? What’s holding you back?

Choose well! Go for it! Today.

Love as best as you can. Pray. Focus on what really matters. Don’t let fears or inadequacies hold you back. Ask for help. Even if it collapses and you don’t know how to fix it, don’t give up. Be encouraged. Receive love. Don’t put off telling people you love them. Don’t put off love. Don’t put off reconciliation. Do it now. Do what you can while you can. None of us knows how long we have. No more time for procrastination! Today!