Side Effects

Replenish

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We all go through seasons when we need extra replenishing, and this is one of those seasons for me and many people I know. Whether it’s physical, emotional or another kind of replenishing, we human beings need regular replenishment.

Sometimes something so simple as a glass of cool water can make a huge difference. Maybe we need food, and a simple snack of veggies and protein can do a world of good. For most of my live, I’ve never been a napper, but many people find naps refreshing. In this current season of living with cancer, I nap frequently, waking up with a second wind. Rest matters, even if we don’t fully sleep.

The kids and I sometimes watch one of their favourite shows after dinner, and this can be a sleepy time of day for me. Sometimes no matter how hard I try, I can’t keep my eyes open. They watch me like hawks and call out to wake me as soon as they think I may be dozing off. Some of the time I’m just resting my eyes, but often they wake me up and rewind the show so I don’t miss anything important. How awesome are they! I’m so grateful for them.

Exercise is one of the best ways to recharge, and can really help reduce stress and cancer fatigue. As they say, it’s always wise to check with one’s care team first, and of course always listen to one’s body.

The hot days can be extra challenging, especially for those of us who don’t have air conditioning. On the difficult days I use fans and a cool, damp cloth on my forehead and/or the back of my neck can be a game changer.

It’s important to invest time in things that nourish us. This can be challenging as our various abilities shift from time to time. Several years ago, for example, I took up acrylic painting and really enjoyed it. When I started on a different med, though, my hands hurt and painting was no longer an enjoyable pastime. The treatment was definitely worth this side effect, since it was keeping me alive. It is important to be ready to make adjustments and shift to new things that fuel us.

For those who love a lot of people living with a deadly disease, it is not unexpected that we will lose people we care about. This weight of grief can be a heavy load to carry. I found a grief counsellor through Hospice Care Ottawa who listened a lot and gave good suggestions for self care. One of the best self care suggestions makes sense for everyone, not just those carrying an extra heavy weight of grief…

Make a list of things that we can do to care for ourself, and break it down by time required. A category for a few minutes, another category for up to an hour or a couple of hours, one for all day or even longer… Self reflection and experimentation is required to make the most of this opportunity. Post the list somewhere convenient for easy reference!

To get you thinking, here are just a few of the things I find nourishing right now…

Few minutes: glass of ice water, look for birds out the window, enjoy a snack, sit under the carport, listen to a song on the radio, dance, do a few exercises (stretching is so good!), cross a small job off the “to do” list, play a word game on the phone, message a friend, list things I’m thankful for …

Up to an hour or more: visit with a friend, read, reflect, journal, phone a friend, walk outside, do exercises, sit in the garden, do a medium job on the “to do” list, nap, watch a show, listen to a podcast …

What brings me most joy, peace and hope continues to be reading the Bible and praying (ever since I was 17 years old). This is how I am replenished many times each day, with thanksgiving.

What replenishes you? I encourage you to make a list and set aside portions of your days to do these things regularly. We all need regular replenishing.

Generous friends brought delicious dinner (polenta, peppers, egg and basil) and also a cute little dog for a visit this evening. Very grateful for good friends!

New Chemo and Side Effects

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I started new chemo meds on Monday, and lots of people are asking how it’s going. It’s hard to know so soon: my nurse said it would take about a week to know how it’s working. This has been a tough week for me since I think I ate something bad over the week-end, and I’ve had an upset tummy for most of the week. I’m tired from being off the steroids as well, and have spent most of the week in bed. I don’t know how much the new meds may be contributing.

Last night I experienced some exciting drama in the form of strange visual effects. I saw flashes of light, and all kinds of unexpected things in my peripheral vision. I don’t know how to describe them, except to say they remind me of watching tv in the “olden days”, when ghost images would appear beside the actual image when the reception was poor. (Really frustrating when watching hockey: which guy is going for which puck?!) It was a bit like that, with repeated images swirling around the edges. Pretty wild!

The pages of information from the pharmacist indicate that these kinds of vision changes are a serious side effect from this medication, and urge the patient to tell their doctor straight away. I called my oncologist’s nurse this morning to ask about this, and she was unaware of this side effect. There are no doctors that she can ask until Monday. She said since it only happened once that I should continue with the meds. I’m thankful I’ve got an appointment with my oncologist on Monday.

Apart from the exciting light show last night, I seem to be experiencing only a few side effects. I had some horrible headaches earlier in the week (also a side effect), but they seem to be gone now. I’ve got a strange taste in my mouth and a bit of nausea, but it’s not too bad.

I don’t know how the new meds are affecting the cancer. I think I may be coughing a bit less, but I’m not sure. I’m definitely still coughing.

Many of the side effects from my first chemo continue, but it’s possible they’re improving. I still seem to bruise easily, but didn’t get a bruise from my blood test on Monday. My hands and feet continue to be numb / have strange feelings, but occasionally – perhaps increasingly – they feel more normal.

One thing I’ve been reflecting on lately is the idea of waiting. It’s relatively easy to wait for a short amount of time, but it grows increasingly difficult, especially when pain is involved. When I was labouring with my first-born, I was expecting it to take 24 hours or more. I wanted to deliver him without any pain meds, but shortly before he was born I asked my nurse what pain meds I could use. She said, “You’re doing so well!” … and then came another contraction and I forgot about the possibility of pain meds. Jono was with me, holidng my hand and getting me ice chips. Their encouragement made all the difference to me. Their encouragement kept me going when I felt that the pain was too much and the path was too hard. Even so, I’m glad my boy came quickly (about eight hours, if I remember correctly!) because labour is hard work!

Here is a quote which captured my imagination some twenty+ years ago. It’s by S.D.Gordon, from his book Quiet Talks on Prayer.

Waiting

It means steadfastness, that is holding on;

patience, that is holding back;

expectancy, that is holding the face up to see;

obedience, that is holding one’s self in readiness to go or do;

it means listening, that is holding quiet and still so as to hear.

What do you think of this? What do you think it means? How does it ring true (or not) to you? Is it capturing your imagination? Does it apply to your life now? How would you describe/define waiting? What makes waiting easier / harder for you?

I’m feeling much joy these days, and I’m so thankful for my family and friends and gardens and birds and the beauty in this world. I’m hoping I’ll be able to get out for walks again sometime soon.

Thank you for your encouraging words, faithful prayers and support. You have no idea the difference you make.