I’ve heard people talk so comfortably about end of life matters, but it was never easy for me. With practice it’s been getting better.
My parents were both diagnosed with cancer within one week when I was 20, and within a year they had both died. Those were the first and second funerals I went to. Before that time I did not know much about grief except what I had read in books. That was an incredibly difficult season and grief continues, though not like back then. I’m working to prepare my children for life after my death, even though we are holding onto hope that I will live for many more years. We have had some really good and important conversations.
It’s always wise to make sure our will is updated and the other important things are communicated and ordered appropriately, but at times like this we feel the need to be sure all the more. It’s generally best to involve a lawyer. Specifics vary from place to place, but in Ontario Canada, the main pieces are: will, power of attorney for personal care, power of attorney for property.
There are many resources in communities and online to help.
For some time I’ve been connected with Hospice Care Ottawa, and recently have started taking advantage of some of their services. I’ve been meeting with a grief counsellor regularly since September because I was feeling the weight of many griefs, and this has been very helpful. Lung cancer advocacy can be a heavy load. Those who are uplifting and supportive matter so much. They can make a huge difference.
Some of Hospice Care Ottawa’s volunteers participated in an advanced care zoom meeting, which was filled with good information and resources. They invited us to play a “Go Wish Game”, where you choose your top 3 out of 36 wish statements relating to end of life care. It’s challenging to choose only three, but the point of this game is to get people thinking and talking, and that it certainly did. Many others on the call have also found that having these kinds of conversations with family and friends tended to turn out a lot better than they were expecting. There are lots of good resources and great conversations to be had.
My word for 2022 is “rejoice”, chosen before 2022, before my health took a turn. It’s surprising how much joy there can be, even in conversations about end of life issues. It matters to me that people feel freedom to celebrate, not just mourn. We’ve spoken about grief many times. We acknowledge there is and there will be sadness along with a whole lot of different emotions, but there can also be joy and laughter. My desire is that in addition to sadness people will remember and celebrate the good and happy times.
My beloved three children mean so much to me. They have been living with their Mom having lung cancer for over eight years. They were only 6, 10 and 12 at diagnosis. Now they are 15, 18 and 20. We are very thankful for advances in research that have been a big part of the story, keeping this stage four cancer survivor alive all these years. What a difference research and good medical care has made, along with the support of some amazing people!
Our advocacy has been largely about working to extend and improve the lives of people diagnosed with lung cancer or other kinds of cancer. We’ve worked hard to support people and elevate the value of people affected by lung cancer and the importance of research. It is still possible that I can live on chemotherapy long enough for another discovery to be made and become accessible for me. This is what we’ve been hoping for.
This is how we’ve been living for the past eight years since diagnosis. Seven different lines of treatment: four different targeted therapies, radiation, two sets of chemotherapy … when one treatment option failed another one has always become available, sometimes just in the nick of time. Great timing of accessibility has helped keep me and many others alive. This rollercoaster ride has kept me and so many others going, and we continue to hold onto hope.
We celebrate researchers, fundraisers, primary care physicians, counsellors, storytellers, social workers, advocates, nurses, surgeons, administrators, oncologists and anyone who works as a good team member to help extend and improve the lives of people affected by lung cancer. These good teammates need to be uplifted and encouraged because the load can be heavy, the work can be hard. We are so grateful for those who encourage and uplift teammates. Together we can be a good team. We can drive change.