An Act of Defiance

Three years ago I committed an act of rebellion way beyond anything I had done in my teens.

I didn’t do it alone: I recruited my family in this ridiculously defiant act.

I was diagnosed with lung cancer in December 2013. At that time, there were two treatment options for my particular kind of lung cancer: IV chemo and a new targeted therapy (pills) called Crizotinib. I underwent IV chemotherapy and then I took the brand new targeted therapy, but one and a half years after my diagnosis, I had run out of options. In May 2015, the cancer was growing and there were no more approved treatments.

Thankfully, my oncologist did his research and learned there was a clinical trial that I might qualify for. This clinical trial was for another new targeted therapy called Ceritinib. I underwent lots of testing to find out if I would be allowed to join.

My friends prayed as I went through the process. We had no idea if I would qualify, nor which arm of the trial would be the best one for me. I was approved and randomly chosen for the group that we now know is now best practice for this drug. All over the world now, people take Ceritinib with a low calorie, low fat breakfast, exactly as I did throughout that clinical trial.

I kept taking Ceritinib as long as it worked: almost two years! The side effects were difficult but bearable. That clinical trial extended my life – not just for those two years, but it also carried me through long enough for new treatment options to be available. Now I’m on a third targeted therapy, and it has been working well for a year and a half. We give thanks!

But three years ago, I had just started this clinical trial and I had all kinds of side effects. They tend to be worse the first few weeks of a new treatment, and I was also dealing with side effects from recently stopping the previous treatment. It was a very difficult season, I was in excruciating pain, and we had no idea if the clinical trial would work.

So in the midst of all the uncertainty and pain and grief, I decided to take a drastic step.

It had to do with an apple tree. I’m a bit of a gardener (not so much in recent years). For years, I thought about planting an apple tree but never did because it takes a few years to bear fruit, and I preferred plants that would give more immediate results. I did not want to wait for an apple tree to mature enough to bear fruit.

Three years ago, I chose to incite rebellion. I chose defiance.

Shortly after I started that clinical trial, my birthday was approaching. For my birthday I told my family the only present I wanted was for them to give me an apple tree and plant it in our back yard. A special tree, with branches of different kinds of apple trees grafted on so that we could have a variety of apples to enjoy. A tree of hope.

Hope is an act of defiance.

I started a rebellion and provoked defiant hope.

And it paid off: as I celebrate my birthday three years later, that tree is fruiting in a spectacular manner!

Three years later, more treatments are approved and available, and many more are in the pipeline for my kind of lung cancer and for other kinds too.

Three years later, there are baskets full of hope that were empty before.

There’s still a long way to go, though. I’m grateful that I’m here and I have a voice to speak up for lung cancer patients and all cancer patients.

This kind of defiant hope compels me as I seek to improve outcomes for lung cancer patients. I have so much to learn! I want to strategically invest my limited energy! Lung cancer has been neglected for too many years, and I’m looking for ways to change this.

It takes hope to plant a seed. It seems ridiculous that a small dead-looking seed will come to anything, but we know it can. We’ve seen it time and again: we eat food every day.

I’m planting my seed! I hope my small efforts will make a big difference for many of us.

Hope gathers us. Hope unites us. Hope holds us.

Hope is an act of defiance. Come join the rebellion!

7 thoughts on “An Act of Defiance

  1. Thank you for sharing your journey. Seeds are a precious picture of our hope that we need to plant. This is a heart warming openess that draws us so close to you to remember you day by day.

  2. Funny, I’ve never seen Alectinib in a picture. Or in someone else’s hand. It is weird – even though there are a lot of us with this disease it doesn’t really feel real. Also never knew there was such a thing as an apple tree that grows different kinds of apples, man made or not. Thank you for this post and for sharing your experience.

  3. Jill your blog is filled with words of wisdom and joy. Beautiful testimony.Thank you for sharing. I will keep lifting you in my prayers

  4. Pingback: Icing on the Cake | Through the Valley

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