Having “the conversation” with people you love is one of the hardest things after a cancer diagnosis. Three and a half years later, I clearly recall some details of those painful conversations when I told my friends or family that I had cancer – serious cancer.
The anticipation was horrible. The conversations were difficult, but there were many moments of love and generosity outpoured, both during the conversation as well as afterwards. So much grace that I had not anticipated!
I remember telling my small group. Our group has met weekly for several years to study the Bible and pray together. We had grown to love and trust each other, and these were friends I knew I could lean on. I knew they would be there for me, but I had no idea how much.
“You’re not alone.” The first words I remember hearing from my small group when I told them my sad news. Many more words of love, support and solidarity have followed, but these words echo out across the years. These words echo when my friends pass the tissues and cry with me, when they gather around and pray for me, when they bring me food and organize an army of beautifully generous meal preparers, when they get on hands and knees to clean my house, when they sit with me and listen, when they take my kids out for treats and listen, when they have our family over for an evening of fun, …
It’s not good to be alone. We need each other. We need people to laugh with and cry with. We were made for community.
The gifts that I have received in vulnerable times mean so much, and I am grateful beyond words for the goodness that friends, acquaintances, and even strangers have poured out over us since my diagnosis. God’s presence, faithful love and abundance is always with us – so many passages of Scripture remind us! We have felt embraced by love and generosity … never alone!
Another good gift I have received is the community of lung cancer patients and caregivers. People who’ve had similar conversations with their family and friends. People whose conversations have not always gone well.
I’m grateful for so many of these fine folks I’ve been privileged to get to know online through patient forums. These groups are a good source of support and information for me. I’ve grown to love these people and to think of them as my tribe!
And recently I got to meet some in person through LUNGevity’s Hope Summit in Washington DC.
I left Ottawa one cold and foggy morning in April and arrived in a completely different climate zone. Spring had sprung in DC. I had already missed the cherry blossom festival, but there remained much beauty to behold!
The Patients’ & Caregivers’ Summits began on Friday night, with an Advocates meeting for a number of us keeners on Friday. I arrived on Thursday morning with the whole day stretched out before me. I hadn’t ever met anyone from LUNGevity before, and I was a bit nervous about being there all by myself. I checked into the hotel, right by the beautiful Key Bridge (which crosses the Potomac from Rosslyn Virginia into Georgetown). I was just about to head out the door to find my way to some of the Monuments and Museums in DC, but got distracted by people arriving in the lobby.
I couldn’t help but overhear one of the conversations … it sounded vaguely like it could be between two LUNGevity friends who hadn’t seen each other since last year’s Patient Summit! I approached and asked if by any chance they were part of LUNGevity, and that is how I met my first two LUNGevity friends, Ivy and Don! They were so friendly and invited me to join them and others for a walk across the Key Bridge to Georgetown for lunch! It was pretty easy to choose getting to know them over sight-seeing!
I never did make it to any museums or monuments, but I have no regrets! I was privileged to spend a lot of time meeting new friends and walking back and forth multiple times across that bridge! No one was left behind … not even people with diminished lung capacity! 😉
I learned more about advocacy and what it means to be an advocate or an activist. Thought-provoking! So many good conversations both as part of the summit and in the unscheduled moments!
So many exciting new advances in Lung Cancer treatments! So many resources! So much reason for hope!
One of the presenters was Dr. Ross Camidge, a well-known expert in my particular type of lung cancer. Late Saturday afternoon I sat beside him at an “Ask the Expert” table discussion. So many questions I could have asked him, but my brain was chock-full of information so we mostly chatted about cross-cultural differences (he’s from the UK and works at the University of Colorado Cancer Center), and he told me funny stories! 🙂
I came away encouraged and inspired! I came home with ideas and direction! I’m so grateful for all the LUNGevity folks who welcomed me, and for the anonymous donor who made it possible for me to be there. Thank you!
But mostly I came away with a strong sense that I am not alone! There are so many others walking similar paths, and I am grateful for the opportunity to get to know some more of my tribe! I’m grateful to be able to walk across that beautiful bridge! I’m grateful to have met these beautiful people who are walking a similar journey to me – patients and caregivers and others who support and advocate powerfully!
I hope to tell you more in future posts. There is always so much to say! 🙂
Here’s some exciting news about next week: I’m participating in a webinar for Cancer Coaches on Monday afternoon, speaking about my clinical trial experience. This is my first webinar, and I’m grateful for this opportunity! Cancer coaches are a real gift, and they can help you with difficult conversations!