Month: March 2014

Chemo Scheduling non-Update

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Some of you are wondering if I have chemo tomorrow … well, so am I! Last I heard, I would go 4 – 6 cycles. I have done 4, and am waiting and wondering. If I was to continue in the usual rhythm, I would be having a blood test today and drinking extra fluids, and heading in sometime tomorrow for my long chemo.

I’m feeling remarkably patient and peaceful, but also disappointed about this lack of communication / organization:  logistics can get much more complicated at the last minute. Needless to say, we are hoping to hear soon!

What Power?

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Several weeks ago, a lovely woman at church told me that her husband had written a list of things that cancer does not have power over. My first response was, “I’d love to see that list!” My second thought was, “Maybe it would be better if I made up my own list!”

I am so grateful that it got me thinking more deeply about these questions: what actual power does cancer have in my life, and where am I giving it power that I shouldn’t.

My recent skate on our backyard rink was something I didn’t think I could do. My feet are fairly numb so my balance is lousy right now, and my body is startlingly weak. I had no idea what would happen as I attempted to glide out on the ice. I was afraid of falling and adding to my bruise collection (or worse). I was afraid of scaring my kids, of looking foolish, of not being able to get back up … I was feeling powerless. Fear and uncertainty were holding me back. But I made a decision that I was going to (carefully) go for it and see what happened. Even if the very worst I feared did materialize, we would manage. I’m so glad I did! The sun was glorious, the weather warm enough that I could breathe fairly comfortably, and my body remembered how to skate! I didn’t fall at all, although I did feel rather awkward (and somewhat powerless) at times! Fear can hold a huge amount of power over us. I’m so glad it didn’t stop me from skating!

We all have life circumstances which challenge us on a variety of levels. We may choose to give away power, or not recognize the power we do have within / in spite of them. We believe lies. We can allow ourselves to be paralyzed.

As I continue to wrestle with these questions, I realize more and more how important it is: not only to wrestle, but also to step out boldly in truth and love as best as I can.

What about your life circumstances? What power do they actually have over you, and where do you inappropriately give power to them? What power will you choose to give to them, and what practical differences will that make in your life?

(This photo is of a list I discovered on a bulletin board at the hospital. What Cancer Cannot DoI have no idea who wrote it.)

first time

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Yesterday was a landmark day for our family: the first time we went downhill skiing together! Our 12yo went skiing (somewhat reluctantly, it seemed) with his school last week, came home glowing, wanting to go again! So we did. I wondered / doubted / questioned whether I’d be up for it, and to be honest, I was not feeling well in the morning, but (buoyed up by my recent skating experience) we went!

I didn’t ski very many runs, all beginner, and all involving snowplowing with the kids, but it felt so good to be out in the fresh air and be moving. I loved gliding down the slopes, enjoying the scenery, and feeling the freedom. Exhilarating!! I am so grateful for that shared eIMG_9518xperience as a family. I’m also amazed at how well my kids all did their first / second time on the slopes. What fun to watch them go! I got to have some “deep and meaningful” conversations with my boys on the lift, which I’m quite confident were worth much more than the cost of the lift tickets!

I ended the day mid-afternoon, and spent the last couple of hours waiting at the chalet (mostly out on the balcony) while Jono took the kids for a bunch more runs. I enjoyed that time to myself (even though I’m an extravert!) 😉 I gave thanks for the beautiful view. I prayed. I gave thanks for my body’s abilities: though limited, I am so grateful for what I was able to do. (I never dreamed I would be able to go skiing during my fourth chemo cycle.) I watched people. I thanked God for the warm weather which meant I was able to breathe fairly comfortably outdoors. I chatted with strangers (I’m an extravert!) I rejoiced and rested and celebrated!

… and we came home glowing! I think I still may be!

Rough Patch

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Feeling very tired, rather nauseated, and exceptionally “chemo-brainy” lately.  I’m so thankful I was able to get to my Bible study this morning, and that my friends there prayed for me, lifting me to Jesus like the four faith-filled friends did in Mark 2. The nausea started to lift as they were praying, and I was able to be present with them through the morning. What a gift!

Parenting fail: although I had double-checked the email which arrived a few days ago informing us of the pizza day switch from Thurs. to today, somehow I got confused and marked the wrong child on the calendar, so that our poor 7yo only had a gargantuan plum, milk and yummy banana-choc chip muffin for lunch. Thankfully, she seems to have survived, and may even be growing in resilience?! 😉

I’m also thankful that our amazing 12yo cooked the Shrove Tuesday pancakes tonight – they were beautiful!

And, we’re very thankful for generous friends who have richly blessed us with a variety of things like: banana choc chip muffins, cupcakes, dinners and gifts this week.  God is good. All the time.